By Kayla D. Beard, Northend Agent’s
So you know what you want, and you even know how you might go about getting it, but you lack the faith in yourself to follow through.
A lot of times, we think our problems can be solved by changing the world around us. If only I had more of this, or if only I didn’t have to deal with that. We might even blame our own behaviors: if only I could stop doing this or start doing that. The key to solving most problems, however, is typically an inner change.
In my upbringing as a Seventh-day Adventist, I learned a philosophy that led me to place blame externally for everything. I wrote in my latest book about the influence of that religious mindset on my feelings of self-worth, but this worldview also impacted my sense of personal responsibility. Whenever I was tempted to make a choice I knew I might regret, I’d blame the devil and all the fallen angels who were always conveniently lurking to tempt me into trouble.
On the nameless path I choose to follow today, there are no scapegoats. There is nothing outside of me to point a finger at: I am the devil. I am the source of my own temptation.
This was a hard pill to swallow, for me. It was easy to project my own failure to hold myself accountable onto the imagined villains I was taught to fear as real and dangerous, and that habit has been hard to break, even as I’ve lost my belief in the demons. It’s one think to consider that you might be the otherwise innocent victim of an unseen battle for your soul. To acknowledge that you always have a choice in everything you do, and to accept that you always have the power to follow your so-called higher self or lower self, is a completely new way of thinking.
On the one hand, it’s empowering to think that I can initiate change in my own life by moving beyond my own inner resistance and choosing a new way of being. On the other hand, it can feel like a lot of work, and a lot of responsibility, to move through life as if you are creating your own reality when the world around you would rather make you feel like a victim in a never-ending tragedy.
Life is not pretty every day. I will never pretend like it’s easy to experience a wave of depression, grief, worry, self-doubt or anything like that in the face of very real life challenges. It’s not easy to change the habits that you’ve been relying on for years, even decades. Still, the choices you make moment-to-moment shape your experience of life. The thoughts you entertain, the emotions you indulge and the actions you activate as a result of those thoughts and emotions create the perfect cocktail for a new reality… or the same reality you see before you now. The key to change is you.
So what reality are you creating for yourself? How satisfied are you with the choices you’ve been making, lately? What emotional or behavioral patterns have you clung to that you know you need to release? If you’re feeling resistant to change, what is your resistance trying to tell you?
This week, I invite you to observe your choices. No need to question your authority — make your choices with confidence — but look out for any patterns that may be causing you distress. Ask yourself how your choices are connected to those patterns, and how a different set of choices might serve you better. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, or book a Tuning Session if you’d like to explore your inner shadows head-on, together. As always, stay curious.
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