By Randi Locke, Northend Agent’s
Believe it or not I used to be an unbridled extrovert growing up. As a child with ADHD I was unfiltered and could talk anyone’s head off without a care in the world. Despite being bullied by peers and reprimanded by my parents for my outspoken behaviour, I was still loud and proud. That did not change when I got older. Granted I had learned how to filter myself more for work and professional settings, but that did not change my outgoing personality. Looking back I can’t believe how much life has mostly silenced the once bubbly young woman I was. When I was twenty years old my mother passed away. Which set in motion a chain of mental changes that I did not expect. Nearly nine months after my mother’s passing I was diagnosed with depression after experiencing suicidal thoughts, and exhibiting behaviours of self harm. From there it was a nearly three year journey for me to learn how to live with depression. During this time I experienced a traumatic home break in, my first big move, and the loss of my grandmother and 14 year old cat. Although learning how to manage my depression will be a life long journey, one part that I miss is the person I used to be. While I am still described by most as bubbly, I am also more reserved. I would not classify myself as naturally outgoing. Though I am great around people, I tend to have a harder time keeping and nurturing newer connections than I had in my past. I am aware that aging is a common factor to why personalities change along with life experiences; But I believe that my trauma has played a bigger role in this. Turns out after some talks with my therapist and extensive research, it is possible for trauma to shape your personality.
According to Licensed Counselor Cody Mitts, there are twelve common traumas: emotional or verbal abuse, physical or sexual abuse, childhood neglect, religious abuse, being involved in an accident or natural disaster, being attacked or assaulted, being an eyewitness of domestic violence, watching someone being harmed, experiencing community violence, an unexpected or violent death of someone in your life, living in a high stress environment, and childhood bullying. Unfortunately according to psychology professor and author Nigel Barber, painful experiences have a more lasting change on personalities than pleasurable ones. This is because traumatic experiences can often threaten well being. For example if you were bullied as a child trying to make friends, this experience can cause you to become more hesitant in adulthood. These traumatic events can sometimes alter more than personality. Sometimes they can permanently alter aspects like intelligence and emotional reactions. This permanent hinderance to these aspects are part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This disorder often follows traumatic experiences and events. Though most associate this disorder with physically traumatic events like abuse, war, or bullying, psychologists have also tied PTSD to emotionally traumatic events. This not only occurs for traumatic events like emotional abuse, but according to licensed professional counselor Dawn Gabriel, sometimes these changes are not caused simply by one traumatic event. Other times it is caused by prolonged stressors known as little traumas. Little traumas can include events like job loss, breakups, the loss of a pet, and rejection by peers.
With traumas big or small sometimes it can take a while to notice these changes in personality. As previously stated, personality changes caused by trauma are often indicative of survival. For example, according to psychologist Robyn Koslowitz, people that became extroverts as adults could be due to experiencing childhood neglect. Whether it is by peers or parents, this neglect can force a child to become more extroverted in order to not only be seen, but to have their needs met. Meanwhile for those like me who were extroverts as children, adverse experiences like bullying can cause a person to become introverted. As adults however, even if major childhood traumas have not caused a major personality shift, childhood trauma combined with big or little traumas can cause this shift well into adulthood.
Though there is already a general sense of loss when it comes to personality changes due to aging, the feeling of having your personality change due to a traumatic event can feel jarring. Often times PTSD is accompanied by anxiety or depression. Both of which can produce different social reactions. Though both can lead to behaviors of isolation and sadness, they can also lead to impulsive behaviors. For instance introverts that went through a traumatic experience could begin to engage in dangerous behaviours such as drugs and unprotected sex. Meanwhile extroverts could start disengaging from activities they love and isolate themselves. For me, I would keep conversations with classmates and coworkers at surface level, not letting anyone get too close. These changes in personality can often alter how you see your friends and family. Sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise. Once my personality changed I realized that people I had thought of as friends were causing me more harm than good. Other times, it can close you off from those you once held dear. Creating a distance that sometimes cannot be fixed. Most of all these changes can cause one to question their self worth. For extroverts their new self worth can be based on how many people care about them, while introverts it could be based on how little trouble they cause.Although these changes can be permanent, therapy can help them learn not only how to navigate their new personality but how to acquire traits that they missed.
Now I know I mentioned that trauma can permanently alter your brain, however, psychotherapy can help people learn how to stop harmful behaviors and negative patterns of thinking. While this may not restore one to their former personality, it can help them enjoy things that they used to . For instance if a former extrovert has become introverted due to trauma, psychotherapy can help encourage them to identify triggers that cause them to isolate from others and, practice healthy ways to socialize again. Meanwhile for those who have become extroverted due to trauma, psychotherapy can help mitigate codependent behaviors and implement self worth practices. Psychotherapy can also help address the traumas that caused the change in the first place. It is important to remember that despite all the trauma you may have faced, you are still worthy of happiness and safety.
