By Terri Schlichenmeyer, Northend Agents’s
There is no need to pack a big suitcase.
No more worrying about tickets or TSA, the nearest gas station, tiny bottles of shampoo, no journal, no favorite t-shirt. You’ll say one last goodbye on this final journey and you’ll be gone, but in “Briefly Perfectly Human” by Alua Arthur, as you did in living, you may need support in dying.
Born in Ghana, raised by parents who demanded excellence, Alua Arthur chose to go to law school after she graduated from high school. But it wasn’t really a choice, in a way: law school was a default for her, and it didn’t make her happy. After she started working for Legal Aid on behalf of poor clients, a career in law actually made her sad.
It was so difficult for Arthur to avoid getting too involved with her clients, and she struggled. She eventually came to understand that she wanted more than anything was to “be of service” to people somehow. When her brother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer, she helped take care of him and things began to fall into place. She says he was “the first person I doula’d before knowing… what I was supposed to be doing.”
Following Peter’s death and her “aha!” moment, Arthur received formal death doula training, where she learned “not to conflate others’ experience with [her] own,” how to gently discover a dying person’s wishes, and how to listen. She does in-person visits or phone calls; she can’t dispense medicine or medical advice. She can only talk, and that’s often all an ill or dying person needs. It’s a solution, Arthur says, that helps “meet a client where they are” but being a death doula isn’t just for those who are dying.
“Sometimes,” she says, “all we need is a little time, if we’ve got it…. And if you’re the person who can’t accept that another will die, we will hold you when you finally do.”
So, here’s a surprise for you: “Briefly Perfectly Human” may not be the book you want today. It touches upon a painful subject. There’s no blatant advice here, no quizzes or checklists. You’ll find comfort if you look hard enough, but it’s not overt.
Instead – and maybe you do need it today – this book is mostly about being wonderfully, sparklingly alive. Joyful, even. Author Alua Arthur says, “I’m only here for a small amount of time,” and that, in fact, should tell you everything you’d want to know about this book.
And yet, it has dark moments.
Arthur writes about specific clients and how she helped them and their families. There’s a good bit biography here, where she shares her own struggles with depression and mental health. Beware: she’s an advocate of psychotropic substances and she’s sometimes profane. She’s also unabashedly honest, and that’s refreshing.
Readers looking for advice or succor must read between the lines to find it here, but you won’t mind. “Briefly Perfectly Human” reminds you to live each day as if it’s your last, and that,packs a punch.
Alua Arthur, Photo Captured by Yeofi Andoh
