By Kamora Herrington, Founder and Creative Visionary of Kamora’s Cultural Corner
A few weeks ago I was asked to write an article for the Northend Agent’s Pride edition. I was incredibly honored and quickly realized that I had so many ideas about what to write about that narrowing it down was going to be difficult.
Do I write about all of the amazing Black and Queer folks who live or have lived in the Northend of Hartford? Do I pick one or two and write in depth about how they supported and navigated the community? Do I write in general about living in the intersection of Black and Queer? And then it hit me: it didn’t matter what I wrote about if I wasn’t being intentional about the language that I used.
You see, I’ve spent the last 20 years of my life working with and navigating two of my communities and the biggest impediment to finding commonalities and acceptance has been language. Homosexual, Queer, transsexual…these are all words that have meanings AND carry heavy emotional weight.
Let’s start with Queer and homosexual; when I was growing up, one was the appropriate word and one was a slur. Today that has pretty much flipped in the LGBTQ+ community, but not everyone got the memo.
If you’re reading this, you may be confused by my usage of the word “Queer”. My father used it to describe ‘unsavory characters’ and I was finally able to put it in context when I first saw the movie Hair. I understood Queer to mean homosexual, and not in a nice way, which brings us to homosexual. Technically, it’s not a bad word, but when was good will forged through a technicality?
According to the GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders) website, homosexual is viewed as a slur:
Offensive: “homosexual” (n. or adj.)
Preferred: “gay” (adj.); “gay man” or “lesbian” (n.); “gay person/people”
Please use gay or lesbian to describe people attracted to members of the same sex. Because of the clinical history of the word “homosexual,” it is aggressively used by anti-gay extremists to suggest that gay people are somehow diseased or psychologically/emotionally disordered – notions discredited by the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association in the 1970s. Please avoid using “homosexual” except in direct quotes. Please also avoid using “homosexual” as a style variation simply to avoid repeated use of the word “gay.” The Associated Press, The New York Times and The Washington Post restrict use of the term “homosexual”.
However many folks who aren’t from the queer community continue to use it as they attempt to respectfully discuss orientation. Looking at the GLAAD description of the word, it’s obvious why using it can shut down conversation creating a lost opportunity for growth. By the same token, the word ‘Queer’ has been reclaimed by many folks in the LGBTQ+ community and can be just as alienating.
For instance, I am often invited in to lead workshops and discussions around issues of orientation and identity. I was recently working with a small group of teachers and before the session started two participants approached me and asked why I used a slur on one of the hand-outs that they received before the class.
It took me a moment to realize what slur they were talking about, but once I did I was embarrassed and apologized. By using a word that is the right word in my Queer community, without thoughtfully considering who I would be talking to, I created a place of confusion before we even started. I used that moment as a teaching moment and we spent the rest of our time together discussing impact versus intent. We also discussed the importance of grace in teaching and learning new words and definitions.
Words and language are incredibly important, and as we all know, the impact of our words carries far more weight than the intent behind them AND we need to understand that different groups of people have different words and phrases that are acceptable. Learning and using the correct words for the people you’re speaking with and about is incredibly important and conveys respect. However, language is ever-evolving and is influenced by region, age, socio-economic group, etc. so what works in one community today might not work tomorrow.
While Queer has been reclaimed by the mainstream LGBTQ+ community as an umbrella term, many of our elders have experiences that prevent them from embracing the word and many folks just don’t like the idea of using a former slur to describe themselves and there are gay folks who are very comfortable with the word homosexual.
SO, how do we discuss orientation, gender and identity in a way that doesn’t offend before we start? Ask. Asking folks who they are and what words they use to describe themselves is the best way to begin the conversation. It can be a bit awkward at first, but in my experience this is the best way to convey respect when discussing someone else’s life and lived experiences.
When we opened Kamora’s Cultural Corner last year we knew that we were going to experience many instances of folks using the ‘wrong’ words so we made it a policy to assume good intent when disrespectful words were used and, for the most part, that one policy opened many doors. At times it wasn’t easy to ‘practice grace’ while explaining the difference between intent and impact, (“I know you weren’t trying to ‘other’ an entire community, but when you said ‘you people,’ you ‘othered’ everyone here.”) but we were able to have conversations about race, gender and orientation that are often necessary, but don’t happen because of a fear of offending.
As someone who values diverse voices in conversations, I’m really looking forward to this edition of the Northend Agent’s. I know many of the writers here and know that there is going to be excellent content. Living at the intersection of Black and Queer creates unique views and opinions that aren’t always represented in mainstream media, but they are here today. ENJOY!
Kamora’s Cultural Corner provides both a metaphoric and physical space to learn to use the gifts and privileges of our unique and shared identities. Approaching cultural humility through a Black Queer and Afrocentric perspective we create and navigate Brave Spaces with the intention of building and supporting organic community connections. www.KamorasCulturalCorner.com
